


Osnabrück Overload

by havenshereagain



Series: Autistic Matteo [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Autistic Matteo, M/M, Roadtrip, Sensory Overload, autistic main character, matteo experiences sensory overload and david helps him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 14:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havenshereagain/pseuds/havenshereagain
Summary: Matteo experiences sensory overload while on his road trip with David, and neither of them really know how to handle it, or what it is.





	Osnabrück Overload

**Author's Note:**

> So this is loosely based on some of my own experiences of sensory overload, as well as what we've seen from Matteo. I don't really plan to continue this, but if people want me to, I can write more. Again, Matteo in this is autistic, but like I've said, assume that anything in I write, Matteo is autistic.

It started out slowly. Both of them were tired, hitch hiking while hungover not being their smartest plan, and it came over Matteo without him even realizing it. They were in some shop, wandering around after having found a hostel to stay in and locking up some of their stuff there. They'd managed to get to Osnabrück, but figured finding a ride to Amsterdam at nearly 9 may be difficult, and there was some architecture David was interested in once they'd stopped. The people they'd gotten rides from so far had been nice, one taking them all the way to Hanover, the other bringing them here. 

On the rides, Matteo was fairly quiet, occasionally chiming into conversations David was having with whoever was driving them, but mostly staring out the window, mind far away. That wasn't unusual for Matteo though, so neither of them thought much of it. What was different, was Matteo complaining of a headache as they got out of the car in Osnabrück, saying the sounds of the city were too loud. Still, he pushed through it, wanting to explore the city a bit before it got too dark. They'd looked at some castle thing David had wanted to see, saying something about the local university that Matteo didn't catch.

Afterwards they stopped in a little corner shop to grab something to eat before heading back to the hostel, and that was where it happened. A combination of the fluorescent lighting and slightly too loud pop music pushed Matteo over the edge, roughly putting down what he'd been holding before rushing out of the store, around the corner to rest his head against the side wall. The cool brick felt good against his forehead, and the lack of light and noise helped calm his headache. He turned around and slipped off his backpack, leaning against the wall before sliding to sit against it, arms wrapped around the bag he'd taken off. 

That was how David found him, a few minutes later. He'd been in a different aisle from Matteo, grabbing drinks from against the back wall, and although he'd heard the bell ring, he hadn't looked back to see who was entering or leaving, knowing the shelves would block his view. It was only when he went to look for Matteo by the snacks that he'd realized he'd disappeared. His first thought was to text Matteo, but after a few moments without a response, in which he grabbed some snacks, he decided to pay and look for Matteo outside.

As he turned the corner, he could see the figure curled up on the ground, just a shadow, but he still called out, "Matteo?" hoping it would be him, and when he saw the person raise their head he knew he'd found him. He stepped closer to Matteo, confused, asking, "what happened? Why are you out here on the ground?" When Matteo didn't answer he sat down in front of him, placing a hand on his knee. "Hey," he said gently, "what's going on?"

Matteo shook his head a bit before laying his head back on his knees, this time looking towards David. David could tell he needed a minute to gather his thoughts before he could explain. After a few minutes of silence, Matteo took a deep breath and David looked back at him. "I just needed a minute," he started, eyes seemingly fixed on something in the street, behind David. "The music, the lights, it was just... Too much. I just felt so tired and my head hurt, so I wanted to go somewhere quiet, it usually helps." 

At that, David thought back to a party months before at Matteo's place. The first party he went to there, the first he took Laura to. That was also the first time (and the last, though that didn't mean much considering how few parties they'd been to) he saw Matteo just leave a party, expression blank and no explanation. At the time, he thought it must've been a one time thing, but now he was realizing it probably happened more often. "Matteo," he asked quietly, squeezing Matteo's knee "how often does this happen?" The only response he got was a small shrug. 

After another moment of silence David stood up, then offered a hand to Matteo, and he was happy to see Matteo looking up at him. "Let's go back to the hostel, okay? We can talk there if you want." Matteo took a few seconds to process David's words before nodding and taking David's hand. David was pleasantly surprised when Matteo didn’t let go of his hand, but instead gripped tighter once he was on his feet. 

The walk back to the hostel was uneventful, David wanting to let Matteo gather his thoughts so they could talk once they were back. Once they got back, they went right to the room they were staying in, and David was thankful they'd decided to pay the bit extra to have their own room. Matteo sat heavily on the bottom bunk, dropping his backpack to the floor as David shut the door. He was leaning forward, elbows rested on his knees as he kicked off his shoes. David could see how tired he was, and after taking off his shoes and backpack, he sat next to Matteo. 

They sat like that, silent, for a few minutes before Matteo pushed himself back so he was laying on the bed, letting out a sigh. "It doesn't happen that often," Matteo whispered, staring at the slats of the bed above him. David stayed quiet, watching him, waiting for him to continue. "Sometimes I just get these headaches, and my stomach feels so sick, and I just need to be away from all the noise and light." He paused, licking his lips as he thought. As he spoke, David laid next to him without moving his eyes away. "Most of the time I try to just push through it, but sometimes it just gets so overwhelming and it's like I need to get out right then or I'm just gonna lose it. And it's just easier to not say anything because it feels like my mouth is broken or something." 

There was a moment of silence, and David waited to see if Matteo had more to say. After another beat passed, he figured Matteo was done and quietly asked "when's the last time this happened? That it was this bad?" Although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. 

Matteo sighed, eyes still far away, one hand picking at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. After a moment of processing and thinking he responded, "the last time I had to leave because of it was a while ago, at that one dumb party my friends made me host." That wasn't quite the answer David had expected, but he's almost certain they're thinking of the same night. "The one you stayed behind after, to clean up." With that, David smiled, certain they were thinking of the same night now.

"You know," he started, leaning closer to Matteo, who turned to look at him, eyes still a bit glassy, "I didn't just stay behind to clean up." Matteo's eyebrows furrowed, tired brain not entirely sure what David meant and unable to work it out. After a moment of silence, in which Matteo tried to figure out what was going on, David continued "I saw you rush out of the living room, so I figured I'd stick around and make sure you were okay. Cleaning up was just a cover story." As he explained, a smile grew across his face, remembering their conversation that night, and the almost-kiss that followed. 

Matteo let out a breath, also thinking back to that night. "I told you everything was fucking me up," he said quietly. "Which was true," he continued a moment later, "everything with Sara and my mom, even with the boys, it was all fucked then. I thought maybe all this shit was done." David waited for him to expand on that, but after a few minutes of silence he realized Matteo hadn't been planning to explain what he meant. 

His eyes searched Matteo's face, who was still staring up at the bottom of the top bunk. "Matteo," he begins, "what do you mean 'all this shit'?" Matteo sighed then dragged a hand down his face. Clearly he wasn't planning to have this conversation tonight, if at all. After a moment his hand went from his face to his hair, tugging at it.

"The headaches, needing to leave parties early because of it," he said, voice shaking, "not being able to actually talk when I want to, hell even just not being able to get out of bed somedays. All this shit that's so fucked up and keeps me from actually being able to live my life." At that he flung the hand that had been playing with his hair up, hitting the bottom of the bunk above them. He shook it out for a second, muttering, "fuck," under his breath. 

After a moment, he dropped his hand, and started playing with the hem of his shirt again. Finally, he started speaking again, "all the weird random shit that keeps me from just being fucking normal for once." At that, David's heart broke a bit. He hadn't seen Matteo at his low points, but had heard about them from Jonas. Jonas hadn't warned him about anything else. David reached a hand over, running it through Matteo's hair. That got his attention, made Matteo turn his head and finally really look at David, for the first time since they'd gotten back. 

"Matteo," he said quietly, "I don't think anything can make all that just go away." At that Matteo sighed heavily and pushed himself so he was leaning against the wall next to the bed, eyes moving to focus on a plant in the corner. David sat up again, pulling his legs onto the bed to face Matteo. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but nothing just makes that kind of stuff go away. It takes work, and that starts with actually understanding what's going on." 

He expected Matteo to argue, but instead after a moment, he just nodded. After another minute, he sighed, then said, "I really need to figure this out, huh?" eyes coming back to David's. David nodded, maintaining eye contact, but Matteo looked away again after seeing David's response. He remained quiet, and David wasn't sure whether he was thinking, or just tired. Just as David shifted his weight to get up and get ready for bed, Matteo quietly asked, "will you help me look all this up?" 

David shifted back, carefully watching Matteo, whose face was expressionless, eyes bouncing around the room before resting on David's face for a moment. "Yeah Matteo," he affirmed, "of course I'll help you look up all of it." At that, Matteo moved, wrapping his arms around David silently. 

"Thank you," Matteo mumbled into his shoulder. David wrapped his arms around him, one hand coming up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He pressed a soft kiss to Matteo's temple, squeezed him closer for a moment, before pulling back to look at him. 

"Of course," he said. "But for now, lets get ready for bed." Matteo nodded, exhaustion clear in his face and movements. After a moment of neither moving, David got up, then reached a hand out to help Matteo up, which he took. They got ready for bed in silence, Matteo crawling into the bottom bunk as David turned off the light. He walked over to the bunks and started to climb up to the top one, but was stopped by a gentle hand grabbing the bottom of his shirt. Without a word, he stopped, and instead crawled into the bottom bunk alongside Matteo. David pressed another gentle kiss to Matteo's forehead, whispering, "I love you," before pulling the comforter over them.

Matteo curled himself in closer to David, pulling David's arm more tightly around himself. "I love you too," he mumbled, already half asleep. David smiled, thoughts still buzzing with everything they'd discussed. He wasn't sure when they'd find time to look everything up, but he decided he'd start keeping a log of all the things Matteo had said tonight, and other similar things that bothered him. It may take awhile, but together they'd figure it out.


End file.
